As we end one year and move into the next, I would like to do some reflecting. 2019 was full of good times and some bad. I spent a large part of the year working through my doubts as a wife, mother, and friend. I have been very sick and unable to participate in my husband’s activities. He would go about his life and I would just sit at home.
I think, like most wives, we fear that if we can no longer be at our husbands side then they will find a new someone to spend their time with.
My husband has never given me a reason to think after 35 years that he would stray, but the thoughts were there, and it can put an unnecessary strain on a marriage.
This was my biggest fear and hurtle to over come. As time passed my fears were proven to be unfounded. My husband showed me in every way possible that he loved me and would always be there even when I was not at my best.
Then there was my kids. They didn’t understand why I could no longer be a part of going to the grandkid’s games or watching them.
I tried to explain but it felt like it fell on deaf ears. The truth is ,I just didn’t have the energy to sit all day in a baseball park or run around the house playing with them, they are too young and sitting them on the couch wasn’t going to work.
Then there are all the friends, who got offended that I could no longer meet them for lunches or keep up with outings. They just didn’t get it. I wanted to be there but I just couldn’t. What nobody understood was that it wasn’t me or that it wasn’t that I didn’t want to be involved, it was what was going on in my body. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, a disease that attacks your body’s nervous system and the pain is indescribable. It sucks the life right out of you.
As the time passes, I’ve learned to push through most of the pain with the understanding that it will always be there, it is impossible to escape so you make the best of it where you can and when it’s too much to handle you take care of you and wait for the next good day.